[Fanfic] Squat Broken

[TheSockPuppet]

As soon as he heard one of his comrades scream 'Fukin destro cheeters, volvo fix" over the voice chat, Eduardo the Engineer knew that he was doomed. He fled forth in a panic, deploying his keg wildly on the ground. Somehow, destro had taken the oversized chicken coop the ordies insistently called a keep. Eduardo's teammates ran shrieking into the depths of the camped posterns with the grunting, lustful for renown destros awaiting on the other side. Soon Eduardo was alone.

The stunted engineer hid inside a bush, thinking about how he was going to clean his soiled pants. He was nearly out of AP and his voice chat channel was flooded with people crying in a wild and unmanly manner. It was no use even if they regrouped, by now his entire band was surely x-realming.

Lost in his thoughts, Eduardo did not hear the ork creeping up on him. Stunned by a blow on the head, Eduardo was violently knocked down in the dirt. The orc grunted in amusement, bending down and applying his snare. Panicked, Eduardo turned his head to look at his enemy. The ork fellow was huge, well muscled and he looked pretty damn badass for his species, right now the orc's blackened green skin was flushing red in bloodlust. Eduardo soiled his pants from the other side as well, when he realized what was going to happen.

Pressing his M2 button in a hurry, Eduardo shrieked in his midget rage and begun to spam the keg button as hard as he could. The orc simply grunted, blocking his empowered auto-attacks while shitposting on the /advice chat. Already at melee range, Eduardo simply did not have the skill to dislodge the much more skilled and handsome orc.

All that panicked button pressing amused the orc further. His name was Gurk and the morale gain as the puny midget was flailing around was making him reach his M4 rather fast. Gurk had meant to save the midget until a dps from his own band came to finish him, but he couldn't wait any longer. Starting his own assault, the ork rendered the heavily stacked armor of the midget, reducing his melee damage mitigation from 75% to 72%.

Eduardo started screeching in fear, his keg button having melted from the constant pushing to delay his inevitable demise for a few more seconds. Gurk simply laughed, kicking Eduardo right in the jibbles, feeling disgusted as he noticed that a yellowish muck had sticked itself on his boot after the attack. The orc stuck one calloused finger down his throat, trying to ease the passage of the coming vomit. Exhalling the foul substance at long last, Gurk emptied the contents of his stomach on his adversary.

Much to Gurk's frustration, he wasn't dealing enough damage to overpower the static healing of the keg. He grunted furiously, activating his AP regen CD along with his "WAAAAAAAAAGH" macro as he continued his focused beating. Suddenly, the midget's health started to show a steady decline, causing the developer who was watching this whole affair unfold to think of new ways of buffing the keg, twirling his mustache as he snickered in an evil manner.

Poor Eduardo was swiftly going into shock from the ganging. His mind growing dimmer than usual, he started shouting "KEG WAS NERFED! KEG WAS NERFED!" over and over again as the orc had dropped him to 50% of his health. If a roaming premade didn't decide to fly their kite towards the fallen keep soon, he was surely doomed. The keg button was finally dislodged, rendering his keyboard competely useless.

The engineer had been a very annoying gang for the orc, but he needed something trully special to finish, as Eduardo's health was nearing 10%, the orc grabbed a mighty standard from his bag, thrusting it with force upon the keg, shattering it, revealing that it contained a very similar muckus to the one that the midget's loins were covered with.

The orc finished the midget at long last, recieving about 37 renown for his patient effort, feeling uneasy with the things he just witnessed, the orc logged off to go eat his vegetables and brush his teeth afterwards, the only thing that was supposed to keep order bias at bay.

Eduardo went to the forums, writing a seven page long diatribe on the balance subforum about how OP the aoe snare of the BO was before going to cry himself to sleep.

Squat Broken

Unoriginal characters, please do steal.
Gurk may or may not be Gurk Rocklobba from KV camp
The story, all names, characters, and incidents portrayed in this abomination are not fictitious. The identification with actual midgets (living or deceased, mostly deceased), lakes, keeps, and erotic fapfics written by /tg is intended.
Many midgets were harmed in the writing of this fanfic (They had it coming)
I am sorry world...the raven...it came to me...it told me to make this...i had no option...the eye...it watches...

[saupreusse]

#prayforkeg #nerfbo

[RyanMakara]

I can't believe I actually read all of that. And it's so true...

[ToXoS]

Need more of this!

[Theseus]

Ok, that is kind of funny..... and true in a way.^^

[Glorian]

Funny in a metakind of way.

Btw, not only Keg was nerfed it is also currently bugged.
Meaning it heals you up to 60 feet away, but party members only 30 feet away.

So I can count on one finger how many party membes I usually heal with it.

[TheSockPuppet]

Funny in a metakind of way.

Btw, not only Keg was nerfed it is also currently bugged.
Meaning it heals you up to 60 feet away, but party members only 30 feet away.

So I can count on one finger how many party membes I usually heal with it.

*Gurk slowly creeps up behind Glorian*

[Theseus]

Funny in a metakind of way.

Btw, not only Keg was nerfed it is also currently bugged.
Meaning it heals you up to 60 feet away, but party members only 30 feet away.

So I can count on one finger how many party membes I usually heal with it.

I dont think the post was about the keg specifically more about the constant whining on forums about op skills..... Something you probably knew.....^^

[Glorian]

Funny in a metakind of way.
Btw, not only Keg was nerfed it is also currently bugged.
Meaning it heals you up to 60 feet away, but party members only 30 feet away.
So I can count on one finger how many party membes I usually heal with it.

I dont think the post was about the keg specifically more about the constant whining on forums about op skills..... Something you probably knew.....^^

Glorian <- OP-Skill-whining-victim.